She Slays Me

Love is an emotion that can take control of anyone at any given time. It’s a gut-wrenching, all over the body feeling that just consumes you. It’s passion and uncontrolled, raw and vulnerable. Love is also bitter thoughts of never having that person in your life or not being able to have them the way that you want to. It’s the deep soul feeling that takes over and won’t let go. Love is something that we all strive for and hope to experience in our lifetime. It’s an emotion that can change a person for better or for worse. Love is something that we all deeply desire and it’s worth fighting for. Love is one of the most powerful emotions a human can feel and it should be cherished.

Love is a passionate emotion that can be both immensely beautiful and incredibly painful. When we are in love, we can feel like we are on top of the world. But when love is taken away from us, it can feel like our entire world is crumbling. We may try to fight for the person we love, but sometimes it is just not enough. Our soul feels like it is breaking, and not just our heart. The pain of losing love can be all-consuming. We may struggle to imagine ever feeling happy again. Love is one of the most powerful emotions we can experience. And when we lose it, it can leave us feeling raw and vulnerable. But even in the darkest of times, hope still exists. Love may have broken our hearts, but it also made us stronger. And although we may never forget the pain we felt, eventually we will find happiness once again. Love is worth fighting for, even if it only comes around once in a lifetime.

It had been 29 years since we last saw each other, but it felt like only yesterday. We reconnected and instantly picked up where we left off, as if no time had passed at all. But something was different this time around. The old emotions came rushing back, and I found myself feeling the same way I did when I left her the first time – conflicted and confused.

I loved her then and I love her now, but it’s a one-sided love. She’s my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without her, but there are restrictions on our relationship that make it difficult to express those feelings. I often find myself in a somber mood, frustrated by the fact that she can never fully reciprocate her emotions. It’s a mind-numbing and painful experience, but I can’t seem to let go of this lost love.

It’s unfair of me to ask her to love me back when I’m dying. But isn’t it unfair to live life without love, even if extreme pain is involved? It’s confusing about this feeling. I doubt I will be able to do anything, with a broken body, and a broken heart when I close my eyes one last time. That’s my curse. I want her to love me with the same intensity that I love her. With the same soul-wrenching love that rips my soul apart every time she leaves my side. With the same soul-ripping sadness that fills me up when she’s not around. It’s unfair to ask for her love when I know I’m dying. But it’s more unfair to live a life without love, even if it means living with pain.

She slays me, her soul is my nuclear power. It can be destructive, very much empowering, always pursuing. Like a Rachmaninoff concerto, perfect yet ending on somber notes. It’s pain in the soul, struggling with it, loving fiercely, an impossible passion. And I am devoted to her, I will happily fight for her, fight for life, even if she tears me apart. She is my end and my beginning, my destruction and my salvation. I love her fiercely, and I want to say, I will never let her go but I can’t keep a free and wild love like hers. She will choose me or not.

I’m slain.